Week 10 EOC: Lawyer Jokes

http://www.iciclesoftware.com/LawJokes/IcicleLawJokes.html

·         Q: What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A: The caterer.

·         Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
A: Your Honor.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50
A: Senator.

·         Q: What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?
A: Accountants know they're boring.

·         Q: How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?
A: She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna

·         Q: How does an attorney sleep?
A: First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

·         Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Only three. The rest are true stories.

·         Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.

·         Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad.
A: Senator.

·         Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: Their lips are moving.

http://www.jokes.com/funny-lawyer-jokes/ant3u4/50-50

·         Q: What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians?

A: One hundred people who don't do dick.

http://mason.gmu.edu/~rrotunda/lawyer.htm

A man nervously dialed the office of his attorney.  "I'd like to speak to my lawyer," he told the secretary who answered the phone.

"I'm sorry, sir," the secretary told him, "but he has passed away.  He's dead."  The man hung up with a mumbled "Thank-you."

A week later, though, he called back.  "Could I talk to my lawyer?" he asked.  "Haven't we spoken before, sir?"  the secretary inquired.  "I could have sworn I talked to you last week. He's dead."  "OK," said the caller.  "Sorry to bother you."

Only seven days afterward, though, the secretary heard a by-now-familiar voice at the other end of the line. "Is there any chance

you could connect me with my lawyer?" the man wanted to know.

By now, the secretary was exasperated.  "I know we've spoken before, sir. I've told you: he's dead!  Why do you keep calling back?

Don't you get it? He's dead!"

The man paused before he answered.  "I know, I know . . . . I just enjoy hearing it so much!

·         A man and a woman were conversing at a party. The woman said: "Lawyers are jerks." The man responded: "I take offense to that remark." "Why," said the woman. "Are you a lawyer?" "No," he responded: "I'm a jerk."

·         A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked, "Give it to me straight. How long have I got?" The physician replied that he doubted that the man would survive the night. The man then said, "Call for my lawyer." When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician to stand on one side of the bed, while the lawyer stood on the other. The man then laid back and closed his eyes. When he remained silent for several minutes, the physician asked what he had in mind. The man replied "Jesus died with a thief on either side. I just thought I'd check out the same way."